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In Kafka’s The Castle, there’s a quote that goes”If you want something badly enough, all you need to do is remain calm, and you will get it effortlessly without anyone noticing.”
If you push too hard to get what you desire, it will often have the opposite effect, driving you further from your original goal.
It’s like a two- or three-year-old child, trying to get the delicious food on the table by tugging at the tablecloth. While they may eventually get the food, they’ll also knock everything else on the table down, and it may even hurt them.
Loving someone works the same way. Some people think that once they’ve chosen to love, they should love wholeheartedly, often giving without considering the consequences, willing to be hurt in the process.
Those who are wise can see that unconditional love without consideration of the outcome rarely leads to a good result. When you hold on too tightly to your feelings, it can unintentionally hurt both you and the other person.
Take some of my friends, for example. Once they fall into love, they become completely humble, giving everything to the man they love. Love clouds their judgment, and they focus solely on their feelings.
Love, on one hand, can make us more open-minded, but on the other, it increases our possessiveness. The deeper we love, the stronger this possessiveness becomes, which can eventually break the bond between two people.
During this process, we may recognize that something is wrong, but our emotions often overpower our reason, leading us to act impulsively.
Some people say that frequent contact is the best way to deepen understanding, and so they tirelessly reach out to the other person. However, frequent contact can be overwhelming and may cause the relationship to break apart.
Everyone has limited time. Besides the necessary rest, we have to deal with work and other responsibilities. If we are constantly in contact with someone, it can interfere with our normal lives and work.
We all want to walk hand in hand with the one we love, not become a hindrance to each other’s progress. If that happens, we’ll endure the pain and break away.
So, what is the best way to love someone? How can we foster healthy emotional growth between two people? The answer is simple.
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Contact Less, Let the Other Person Miss You More
It’s said that love is powerful enough to give people great courage. Even the most reserved person may become talkative when they’re in love, always seeking more communication.
However, things that come too easily are often not cherished, and love is no exception.
No matter how deeply you love someone, it’s important to maintain control of your emotions. Avoid reaching out too often and keep the initiative in your hands.
When the other person reaches out to you, be slightly reserved and don’t immediately reveal all of your feelings. If you do, they might reduce their emotional investment in the relationship.
A woman should respond politely but not too frequently. If you respond too often, the other person will be able to guess your true feelings. Then, when the novelty fades, their attitude toward the relationship might change.
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Keep a Proper Distance, Create a Sense of Mystery in the Relationship
In aesthetics, there’s a principle that “distance creates beauty.”
This means that in order to appreciate beauty, whether in nature or art, one must maintain a certain distance from the subject. Otherwise, the effect can be diminished or lost.
This principle also applies to relationships. When there is some distance between two people, it often helps the relationship last longer. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” aligns with this idea.
By maintaining a bit of distance, the relationship can flourish in a healthier way.
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Less Virtual Contact, More Real-Life Interaction
Socializing is an unavoidable part of life. We need to communicate with those around us, whether it’s for work or personal matters.
While regular communication helps strengthen relationships, if the connection only exists in the virtual world — especially if you’re constantly texting — it can negatively affect real-life interactions.
To create a lively and meaningful conversation, promises may be made online, but if these promises are never fulfilled, it can harm your image and weaken the emotional connection.
Moreover, if you share all your feelings and frustrations through messages, you’ll have fewer things to talk about when you meet in person. Repeating the same things becomes tedious, and staying silent can lead to awkwardness.
Therefore, if your relationship is still in its early stages, don’t contact the person too frequently. Give them some space, and allow your love to grow naturally.
Unattainable things always stir up desire, while those who are favored feel unafraid.
Though roses are beautiful, in a man’s heart, there’s a distinction between red and white roses, each carrying a special meaning. As long as you become one of these roses, you’ll hold a unique place in his heart.
In conclusion, loving someone may seem simple, but it involves deeper wisdom. We must cherish each step on the path of love, continually learning and improving how we interact with one another.